I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
