I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
