That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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