the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
