he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
