Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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