There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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