She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
