conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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