why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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