Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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