Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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