If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you traded sex for a burrito?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
