Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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