nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My breasts were aching with rage.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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