You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got chris browned last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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