i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
