the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
