my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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