everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
