He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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