8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
