I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
