I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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