How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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