Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
