I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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