i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize