I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
