You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
