Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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