i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
