OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize