the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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