So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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