this beer tastes like vomit already
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
