Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
