Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
