I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize