Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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