He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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