I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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