I am spending my child support on dildos
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
