Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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