On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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