I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
