I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
