Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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