yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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