the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
