Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
