Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
