chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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