Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
