I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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