i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
