I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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