This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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