Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
