I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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