conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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