3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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