fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
