Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
time to smoke my breakfast
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
