first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
