so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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