i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize