so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have fence marks all over my body
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
