Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
