We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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