just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
