Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
