we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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