I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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