Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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