wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
