i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
