I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
