You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's the barista slut.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
