what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
