We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
