dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
