my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
