Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize