I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
