We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
