Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize