We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
