I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
