i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
