Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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