This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
