if i can run in heels then i can drive
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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