I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
