ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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