She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
