please come you make the beer taste better
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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