I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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