Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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