hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
