she woke up with a sticky ear
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
