are you still at the devil's house?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
