Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
