Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
