we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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