and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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