yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
