she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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