A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
