a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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