Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize