ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
