can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
